Every room of the house?
by Gabriele Kazlauskaite
Summary: Fred and Hermione share an interesting evening with George and Harry. I don't even know why I wrote this, but I hope you all enjoy it anyway


One evening, while Hermione and Fred's children were having fun with their French cousins, Fred had contemplated one question and looked at his wife's swollen belly, the conversation reared straight towards Hermione and her out-of-whack pregnancies. "How do you keep getting pregnant?!" Fred muttered. "I'm literally speechless! Please explain."

"What, you don't want another baby?" Hermione frowned at her husband of 11 years. Sure enough, this was Hermione seventh pregnancy, one every year, though not all successful. To Fred, the thought of a woman's body doing this so often was insanity, despite his own mother having gone through the exact same process, though the two differing in symptoms and tantrums.

Hermione chuckled at her husband's oblivious nature. Sure enough, he'd forgotten just how active the two were, not just in the bedroom. To say the passion between the two was still there was an understatement. It was very much alive and, if they were being honest, they could tone it down a few levels but they greatly enjoyed it, so why stop? "Ok, let's see what the problem is then." Hermione rubbed her swollen belly lovingly. "So we can avoid an eight, right?" He nodded. "Now, explain what we usually do when the kids are gone."

She received a flashy grin from her husband and a wink before he finally began speaking. "We usually start off with a bit of wine of whatever we have laying around," He began and she nodded. "to celebrate."

"Oh yes, to celebrate." She rolled her eyes towards Fred, who had steadily gotten closer to her.

"Then we usually end up near the bedroom. Or the bathroom, which ever one is closer where I usually proceed to ravish yo- "

"Ehem." she cut him off with a light cough to make him look at her. "You mean when you become puddy in my hands? Or when I usually pin you down?" She giggled when her husband's cheeks began turning a light pink and his ears blended into his hair. "But go on~"

"Alright, after you've given me the best treatment, I carry you to our nice warm bedroom and-"

"You haven't done that in four years"

"Shush, I'm trying to tell a story here."

"You haven't carried me to our bedroom, you're not strong enough anymore."

"Oi! I will screw you in every damn room and still carry you out."

"Oh please? In all 16 rooms in this house? You haven't managed that since you were 22 years old."

"Hey! Let me finish our tale."

"Oh, my apologies, go on dearest husband."

"Thank you, darling wifey. Now, where was I? Oh yes, carry you to the bedroom where I rock your world, roughen you up and make you sore all over for days~"

"Bullshit, you make sweet love to me in the softest ways possible." Hermione began laughing as hard as she could at Fred's expression, one that told her she wasn't being funny but also that she wasn't lying either. One that told her to shush or he'd actually roughen her up the next time they were in bed together for their special activities.

The green flames of the Floo system lit up and between the two, only Fred had noticed the people coming into his sitting room.

"What did we miss?" His twin brother asked curiously, the sight of his sister-in-law laughing so hard being an extremely rare sight.

"Careful with that baby, 'Mione." The second person called out to Hermione, who was almost rolling on the floor, still laughing her head off.

"Ha-Harry! He's funny!" She pointed to her husband.

"Oh? What did he say exactly?" Harry and George both raised their brows, ready to listen to the interesting story.

"O-Oh! He says he's going to screw me in every room in the house!" She exclaimed, trying to stop her laughing but failing miserably.

"Every room Freddie?"

"I think you'll have a heart attack by room 5."

"Not even 5, don't forget about the stairs. He has to shoot his gun too." George noted, trying not to wound his twin's ego too much.

"Oh Fred, stop lying to yourself." George couldn't hold back the laughter from Harry's comment and proceeded to join Hermione on the floor.

"Oh, screw all of you."

"I don't think our wives would enjoy the thought of that. You've seen what Angie can do to you." Fred was reminded of the time he decided to switch with George and snog Angelina. She'd caught on the moment he'd gotten too close and had promptly been kicked in the jewels, and for a moment, he feared he'd never be able to have children.

"But back to the origin of this conversation. How did you both get to this point?" Harry attempted to help Hermione off the floor while still looking confused at Fred.

"Well I asked how the heck my wife kept getting pregnant, and she asked that I tell the story!"

"You both have sex?" They nodded, Hermione trying to catch her breath from her exhaustive laughing "You nut in or out?" Hermione creased her eyebrows for a short second before giggling once more at the crass question asked by the younger twin.

"Out." He said confidently. "Right before!"

"You absolute twat waffle." George finally muttered. "Get over here, you doofus." And thus, a 36-year-old George had to give an in-depth explanation about birth control and how pulling out was not a reliable method to avoid pregnancy, all while Hermione and Harry watched humorously while sipping coffee a few meters away.

"You never told him any of this?" Harry whispered over to Hermione, hiding his smiled with his large mug. "I find that hard to believe."

"Oh, I did. Every year." she answered back.

"Goes in one ear, comes out the other." The two answered at the same time silently as Fred and George had reached the end of their debate about children and how many is too much.

"Hermy! Why didn't you tell me any of this?" Fred asked loudly, looking at her surprised.

"I'm sorry about him, if you want, you can have me and Angie can have Fred." George smacked his brother across the head. He had been there for one of the advice-sessions she had given to Fred about how to avoid getting her pregnant.

* * *

**George: Bro, stop pulling out**  
**Fred: But why?**  
**George: Because you suck at it and the family tree is pretty damn big right now.**  
**Fred: (:**


End file.
